Is not saying something a lie?

What do you say? Yes? No? It depends?

This statement screamed from an ad in the September issue of Fast Company (www.fastcompany.com). I ripped it out (love ripping and tearing) and marked it with a “B” (code for a blog topic). (The pages of my books are peppered with these breadcrumbs as I follow my interests in “V” for values, “L” for leadership, “R” for relationship, “M” for measures, etc. Got codes?)

The company asking “Is not saying something a lie?” is a bank, the Ally Bank. I am not plugging them. I am plugging the question they ask. Great questions lead to great thinking. Answers often limit it.

Want to see TV’s answer? Go to http://www.fox.com/lietome. Want mine? It is absolutely (break) “it depends”. What I do or do not say depends on the context, the situation and my commitment – and all that hinges on my perception.

Here’s a proverb from my Irish friend, MJ: “She put the lie in my mouth.” Meaning, when someone offers you a reason for something you did/didn’t do and asks if that’s the reason and you say “yes”, even though what the person offered isn’t your real, swear-on-the-blarney stone, cut-off-The-Guinness, reason … it’s a lie. For example, let’s say a person’s face is bruised from a nose job and the other person says: “Were you in an accident?” If the bruised person says “Yes,” the person with a new nose lied.

The ad goes on to say: “In banking, there’s profit and there’s integrity. It shouldn’t be a choice between the two.”  Ah, there’s the magic word, integrity: the state of being complete, of being sound and undamaged; the quality of possessing and steadfastly adhering to high moral principles or professional standards. And much of that, if not all that, hinges on perception. Mine, if we’re talking about me, yours, if we’re talking about you, which I hope you are doing right now.

Coming from “it depends” requires thinking, judgment, assessing, considering. It requires taking a stand on what you say is important. Leave the black/white, yes/no to the law. For leadership, I say, come from “it depends”.

Do you subscribe to “Seeing is believing”? Go to http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n3f-WPrKnRU, see Criss Angel, the beLIEve, magician, suck your eyeballs out of their sockets. If you want to see how he creates this magic, go to (www.youtube.com/watch?v=gu0G6NWQeM4). Hum, would it have been a lie if I had NOT given you the link to the reveal?

So when is not saying something a lie?  When the information I withhold gives me an edge over you and reduces your success or effectiveness, I lie. When I know that the information I withhold benefits me because I withhold it, I lie. I say these are lies because they are not consistent with my commitment to support another’s success.  They are lies because I say so, not because the police could arrest me.

From time to time, I lie. When I catch myself, I have the opportunity to pick up my integrity and come clean.  Good thing Pinocchio’s nose job was fiction. Otherwise, I’d be holding my long my nose up, as well as my integrity.