What’s Your Beef?

Remember Wendy’s 2006 commercial with the old lady complaining about the patty size with the slogan “Where’s the beef?”?

Complaining is often a way we identify our disatisfactions and things we want to change. On the other hand, if we don’t know we are complaining, it can adversely affect our performance, putting us in a mood of being victimized and powerless.

My colleague, Barbara Fittapaldi, presents 3 types of complaints.  Understanding these distinctions can increase your power and effectiveness. Pay particular attention of the listener’s role.

Recreational Complaint: “This weather is horrible.”  “I can’t believe the number of emails I have!” “Couldn’t they get a clue and put a better selection of sodas in the machine?”

Characteristics: No intention to change or solve something; no request to do anything or intention to be responsible for the situation. These complaints are for the sheer enjoyment of complaining.

Listener’s action: Acknowledge what is said in a way that doesn’t agree or disagree with the person’s statement. (“I hear you.”)  Don’t try to get them to change their view. Don’t get hooked into complaining with them.  (“Yeah, this rain is really lasting a long time.”) Let it go; don’t get entangled.

Caution: This could devolve into gossip if you jump on their complaining bandwagon.

Expressive Complaint: “I’ll never get my work done if people keep emailing me!” “Why does this always happen to me?”

Characteristic: Complaint is accompanied by anger, frustration; emotions express being wronged, victimized, powerless. No intention to change something; no request.

Listener’s action:  Lend a sympathetic ear for a short time in order for the speaker to “empty their glass” and vent.  Acknowledge their state: “I see you are upset.”  Don’t agree or disagree with what they are complaining about. Do not let the vent go on for an extended period of time.  If their venting doesn’t release the steam, take action to move the conversation to a committed complaint by asking them: “Do you still want me just to listen, or is there something you want to have happen?” If they say there is something they want to have happen, ask them what request they can make.

Caution: Expressive complaining can leave both parties discouraged and in an unproductive, sour, Eyore mood which can negatively influence performance for a little or a lot of time. Thus, the coaching tip to move to a committed complaint. Even asking the complainer “What request could you make?” will leave you both more empowered, even if the conversation doesn’t go any further.

Committed Complaint:  “I wish I knew who was going to make the decision about this customer issue. “

Characteristic:  An ‘almost, hidden’ request for something to change.

Listener’s action: Ask: “What request you can make, and of whom?” Use committed speaking and listening (accept; decline; counter offer) to support the complainer to formulate the request. (Complainer: I’m going to request Ben to designate someone by the end of today and let the team know via email.”)

Complainers are upset: either a little (recreational complaints) or a lot (expressive complaints). Regardless, because they are upset, they are not present. When we are not present, our performance tanks.

Thank goodness for listeners – they can help complainers return to being present and regain their performance power. And you thought speaking was powerful!

BONUS: Listen to some complaints sung by choirs!