Water for growth – Careful of the amount!

Our vacation to the east coast this summer was “wet & wild”.  We got soaked on the Maid of the Mist at Niagara Falls, drenched in a storm while sailing on Chesapeake Bay and drank our fill of river water as we shot rapids in a jet boat.   In each adventure, we felt safe from any real danger.  Life jackets, slickers and safety precautions were abundant.  Sure, the possibility of a mishap was there, but so remote that we dismissed it and enjoyed being ‘on the edge’ – even when it was my brother at the helm on the Bay.

Pushing the envelope to go beyond our comfort zone is how we grow. Dealing with new circumstances and situations builds and extends our capacity to respond.  Push too far, too soon and the development can take several steps back.  Push too little and no real progress is achieved.  Creating an environment where people willingly pull themselves forth is ideal. This environment includes a tolerance for mistakes, a willingness to provide support, understanding that it’s OK to be a little nervous when someone steps up and an encouragement of people’s innate commitment to contribute.

Let’s look at 2 extremes of pushing the development envelope: jet boat vs. slip-n-slide.

Being exhilarated by being “on the edge” wasn’t how the 6-year old boy on our jet boat felt. While he passed the age and weight requirement and had his mom on one side and his aunt on the other, when the water came over the bow and submerged us all for several seconds (see the ride!), it was too much for him.   He didn’t cry or shout “let me off”.  He tucked himself under his mom’s arm and kept his head down for the rest of the 45-minute ride.

Wisely, his mom didn’t say “Isn’t this fun, honey? Aren’t you having a good time?” She could see that what started out as an exciting time had turned into a grit-your-teeth-until-it’s-over time for her son. Other than hold him tight to her and block as much of incoming water as possible, there wasn’t much his mom could do.

Keep in mind he wasn’t in any physical danger from our adult perspective. But it isn’t our perspective that matters regarding his experience of the ride. It’s his.   Fortunately, kids are resilient.

Next scene: Back yard in Bethesda.  Four cousins, two 3-year-olds, two 7-year-olds, playing on a slip-n-slide.   The two older kids bounded down the sheet with abandon – on their bellies, on their knees, on their backsides.  The two 3-year-olds watch, but didn’t get in line for their turn down the slippery yellow plastic.

Words of encouragement flowed from parents and grandparents to the 3 year olds. “You can do it. Try it! You’re a big boy! Do it like your big sister!” No change; the youngsters still held back.  What did make a difference was when 2 adults offered a hand on either side of the slide for them to grab for support.

Remember the lessons of the jet boat versus the slip-n-slide when you are asking someone to take on the adventure of a new accountability.

1. Tell them why you want them to do the job. Enroll them in your view of them and in the opportunity of them stepping up.
2. Be clear what success looks like.
3. Ask them what they need to succeed. Provide it or offer alternatives.
4. Check in frequently until they are established in the role.

Most of all, remind them that with every new accountability comes a sign: Slippery when wet. There will be slips. It’s getting up after them that matters.