Two weeks ago, I was tired (more like, fried) from a 12-hour international flight, returning from a dream vacation sailing in the Mediterranean. We climbed into a taxi and headed out of SFO. I gave the driver the address where we parked our car in San Carlos.
On the ramp, heading south on 101, the driver said: “Do you know how to get there?”
Expectations
In my world, there are fundamental, basic agreements (more than expectations, in my book) between taxi drivers and riders. The job of the rider is to give the drive a clear address. The job of the taxi driver is to safely deliver you to said address. The agreement is that the rider pays the driver for the service.
When the driver asked me if I knew how to get there, I said, “No, that’s why I hired you.” Yes, there was a slight edge in my voice. The fact that I was not driving was the only reason a slight edge showed up. We continued south on 101, which I knew was the right, general direction, and said: “Put it in your GPS.”
Included in my expectations about taxi drivers is that they have resources to deliver their service: knowledge of streets, equipment, GPS – you know, taxi driver stuff. The driver was accelerating, pulling into traffic, and pulling out his cell phone – his eyes bouncing between the road and his cell. I was accelerating too, my pulse was racing, my fuse was burning very, very quickly.
To the driver’s, “I don’t have a GPS”, I said, “We’d rather you pull over than text and drive.” He pulled off the next exit, turned left and left again, and stopped in a gas station with a snack stop. I sa
w another cab in the parking lot. “Should we get another taxi?” Our driver got out and asked the cabbie if he was free. Not available.
I offered yet another solution: “Call your dispatcher, ask for directions.” My internal dialogue ramped up: Why should I be coming up with solutions? How come I’m doing all the work here? Where’s the service?
The dispatcher gave him directions. I pushed myself back into the seat and relaxed, a bit. We arrived at our destination. Fare was $38. He got a $2 tip, not because I felt he earned it, but because we gave him two twenties and I, the holder of US currency, was walking away, dissatisfied.
What did I learn?
My capacity to be kind can go out the door quickly when I feel like the service I bought was not delivered. (My traveling companion reminded me of this, or I would not have recognized it. I would have continued to feel justified for my blunt attitude.)
Sometimes people don’t meet our expectations, whether a taxi driver, congress person, boss, co-worker or best friend. When they don’t, especially when we both agreed to the expectations, we feel hurt, disappointed, frustrated. Sometimes we don’t meet our own expectations. When we don’t, we can feel disappointed, too.
Step UP!
And in those sometimes, we need to step up and offer solutions and support, and get over feeling justified that we shouldn’t have to. As we step up, doing so as kindly as we can only help. Once again, we are reminded that, while it’s the destination we seek, it’s how we get there that determines how satisfied we are … getting there and when we arrive.
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