Growing Grass(roots) at the Kitchen Table

Growing up in Bath, Ohio, our kitchen table in our 100+ year-old house had hinges so it could be lifted and tucked into the wall. In addition to the everyday stuff of breakfast, snacks and doing homework, the table was where the real important conversations happened.

The table was edged with a chrome strip embossed with three raised horizontal lines.  I’d rubbed the edging with both thumbs if I needed a distraction from the conversation, which I usually did if mom and dad were talking about serious stuff, like when grandpa was really ill, or mom was going to have an operation, or a friend’s parent called about “something” that happened at school. The edging would get an especially vigorous thumb-polishing during what I call in hindsight the “it’s time to grow up” conversations.  “It’s time to help make the meals, not just eat them. It’s time to clean your room without being asked. It’s time to be tutored in English because you’re failing it.”

As uncomfortable as these rite-of-passage messages were, it didn’t take the shine off being at the table. If anything, it made it an even more special place because it’s where tough issues were addressed and acted upon. It’s where I could grow up and behave differently because it was time and my parents knew I was ready.

An email from a friend in Nogales, Mexico, reminded of the power of the kitchen table.  Alma, a graduate of Women Leaders for the World and founder of FESAC, shared this:

“We have been updating you with the work of grass root groups in our community. These groups fill a void that no government agencies or private sector serve. They work directly with the people in need of their services. It usually starts with one to four families interested in their own well-being. Pretty soon, they are serving the community and those in other communities close to Nogales.

FESAC  in partnership with BCA has been very flexible to support these groups. Today we had a session with the Alzheimer’s founder, at her kitchen, she has a severely retarded and disabled 17-year old son who depends on her 24/7 . This picture is from our session today, old style coffee and beans.  She’s in pijamas after not sleeping for a few days taking care of her son.  A grass root group usually starts in a kitchen in Nogales.”

What is it about the kitchen table? 

The kitchen is the heart of the home and, literally, the source of nourishment for the family.  It’s a safe place where we can lean against the counter or pull out a stool and talk about issues not covered in other forums, even issues that might be refuted or denied an existence in institutional settings.  The kitchen table is where we give ourselves permission to let our hair down and our shoulders relax.  It’s where we’re close enough to see into the other person’s eyes as they share their woes and wins. It’s where we can see into their heart, even when we look away. It’s where we can share ours.  It’s where big and little decisions are made that alter the course of events and futures.

Want to start something that matters?

Begin at the kitchen table.  At work, create a virtual one by declaring a “kitchen table conversation.”

Leave electronics off (out of the room is even better!).  Say the purpose for the conversation.  Create a “listening space” where no one interrupts and everyone has the opportunity to speak. Listen to understand other views, not defend yours.  Ask questions to clarify, not condemn.  Be patient, don’t rush.  Stay connected … try not to polish the edge too much.