To go back, go forward

When I was 6, having mom pack my lunch in a brown paper bag was normal.  Normal for me and mom. When I was 16,  asking mom for lunch money for the week was normal. Normal for me and mom. (I’m sure my eye-rolling at the reminder “Don’t lose it!” was part of our shared normal.)

What was considered “normal” – expected and accepted – changed as I aged. These changes were  encouraged by my parents and me.  I wanted to change what was normal.  The older I got, the more significant the choices, the more impactful the consequences.  All along the way, I had to choose to change. It’s called growing-up.

To go back to normal, go forward. Go forward  and generate the next normal, then the next…

What’s different now?

What makes it so hard to change in these days of COVID19 is that the virus is making me change my normal — on the virus’s timetable, not mine. It feels like I have no choice. But that’s not true. I do have a choice in how I behave. I choose to wear a mask. I choose to physically distance in public.

My choices are informed by what matters to me – keeping myself and  my family, friends, and community well.

Why choose to go through the discomfort of change? Because I’m a grown-up. I recognize that when circumstances shift, resisting what’s happening depletes my energy, it doesn’t stop the circumstance.

What’s bugging us … really

When I hear “let’s get back to normal,” I hear people wanting to regain the freedom that the virus has seemingly taken away. I hear the anxiety and stress of not knowing what’s next.

Underneath it all, what I hear people saying is “I have no choice.” And we really dislike that feeling.  The problem is we get stuck in the feeling and that feeling turns us into being a victim of the circumstances.

What we can do … really

To get unstuck and regain a sense of certainty, power, and freedom, we can do 3 things:

1. Be bold and say, “I have a choice about how I respond to the circumstance.” (I know it’s not easy.  Easy never wins the day.)
2. Be willing to separate fact from interpretation. (People are dying. Wearing a mask works.)
3. Behave consistent with our long-view commitments. (Have feelings, don’t let them have you.)

“No man every steps in the same river twice,
for it’s not the same river and he’s not the same man.”   Heraclitus, Greek philosopher, 544 b.c.

What’s next … normal-ing

When I was 70, my normal changed again – different vitamins, doubles tennis only, new exercises, different view about being a member of the community.

I could resist the circumstance of my age, or I could adjust my behavior. I choose to adjust. Why? I have more growing up to do.